According to Jill Snijman, Head of Marketing at 1st for Women, the term ‘strong woman’ is often seen as a high compliment, a badge of honour for those who navigate life’s challenges with remarkable resilience. We see her everywhere – in the boardroom, the classroom, the single-parent household – a figure of unwavering resolve, capable of juggling endless responsibilities with a seemingly effortless grace.
Yet, this praise and this very archetype of strength can also be an immense, and often invisible, burden. What if the same resilience that earns admiration is also the source of exhaustion?
In South Africa, where women have long been the bedrock of families and communities, this duality is acutely felt. The ‘strong woman’ archetype is not just a personality trait; it’s a pervasive societal expectation of being able to hold it all together as an emotional anchor, a financial provider, and a caregiver. Not surprisingly, being praised for this is a powerful positive reinforcement for the behaviour of appearing strong, even when the internal state is one of feeling overwhelmed. It unwittingly creates a performance trap where women feel the compulsion to maintain a facade of unwavering strength to continue receiving validation, and to avoid the perceived failure of disappointing others or themselves.
We recently surveyed 4000 South African women to see how they are navigating the landscape of power and success – with the findings in Her and Now: Insights into the Women of South Africa 2025 Report. In it, the data is clear: more than 90% of the respondents say people assume they can handle everything because they’re resilient. This pervasive belief places an unyielding pressure on women to perform, to never falter, and to consistently meet the expectations of others.
The Cost Of Keeping It Together
This expectation is more than a feeling – it’s a daily reality for most women. A staggering 67% of the women we spoke to say they feel they’re expected to keep it all together every day. This isn’t a one-off event; it’s a constant, low-grade hum of responsibility that permeates all aspects of their lives. It manifests in the pressure to be the perfect employee, attentive mother, supportive partner, and reliable friend, all while maintaining a poised, polished exterior.
The demand this places on women is emotionally and physically draining, leaving little room for self-care or vulnerability. It’s a burden further amplified by the fact that 68% of women report that others depend on them emotionally, financially, or socially. Women become the central pillar in a web of dependencies, and the fear of this pillar crumbling is often a source of anxiety.
This pressure intensifies dramatically with motherhood. Sixty-five percent of mothers strongly agree that this expectation becomes even more pronounced with motherhood, while 61% say they sacrifice their own needs to maintain family stability. For them, support often feels scarce, and softness even scarcer. Life feels like a multitasking marathon, with days starting early, ending late, and each packed with emotional and logistical labour. There is capability, but not capacity. Empowerment is real, but so is the burnout. The insights from our report reveal that 34% feel emotionally drained daily, and 33% say they’re praised for resilience even while feeling overwhelmed. Strength, it seems, is often mistaken for wellness.
The Unseen Battleground
Relentless strength doesn’t come without a cost. The emotional toll of being everything to everyone often reveals itself through physical symptoms, our bodies becoming a silent battleground where the stress of constant responsibility manifests in tangible ways. Concerns like weight gain, fatigue, and chronic pain are not just isolated issues; they are the body’s quiet protest, absorbing what can’t be said or shared.
The unspoken rule is that a strong woman doesn’t need help; she gives it. But this role as a perpetual caregiver comes at a steep price, leading to burnout and even a sense of isolation.
The strong woman is not allowed to be tired, to be overwhelmed, or to simply say ‘no.’ Instead, she internalises this pressure. A self-imposed standard of perfection becomes her greatest adversary, with 68% of women admitting to judging themselves more harshly than others. This internal critic is a direct result of external praise for her strength – she must be strong, so any sign of weakness is seen as a personal failure. However, relentless self-criticism makes it incredibly challenging to acknowledge vulnerability, to admit to struggling, or to seek help. It’s a cruel irony that women are frequently lauded for their resilience even while grappling with feeling overwhelmed – nearly 33% of our respondents reported experiencing this unsettling disconnect daily.
The pressure to provide for everyone else also comes at the expense of a woman’s own well-being, evidenced by the deep-seated guilt many feel when they dare to prioritise themselves. An alarming 64% of women in our survey shared that they feel guilty when they spend money on themselves. It’s a statistic that is not just about financial decisions; it’s a window into a mindset where self-care is viewed through a lens of indulgence rather than necessity.
Redefining Strength For A Softer Future
Our report’s findings clearly highlight the fact that the most profound and lasting power comes not from pushing harder, but from nurturing a life that is both peaceful and purposeful.
True sustainable strength, then, is not about how much a woman can endure, and it’s not about never breaking; it is about knowing when to bend, when to ask for help, and when to prioritise one’s own well-being without guilt. It is about recognising that capacity is just as vital as capability.
The time has come to challenge the societal praise of resilience and instead advocate for systems and support that reduce the need for constant struggle. True empowerment isn’t about glorifying the ability to endure hardship; it’s about creating a world where that hardship is less necessary.
The path forward involves a collective redefinition of strength by women to include vulnerability, self-care, and the right to rest. This will create a powerful ripple effect that can normalise seeking support and put pressure for necessary societal and systemic changes. We must also advocate for more equitable parental leave policies, flexible work arrangements, and accessible mental health support, and we need to challenge the societal narrative that equates a woman’s worth with her ability to sacrifice.
The true measure of a progressive society will not be in how many strong women it produces, but in how it supports them, allowing them the space to be both resilient and rested. It’s time to move beyond the duality of strength and exhaustion and build a world where women are not just seen as capable, but are truly cared for.
1ST FOR WOMEN
https://www.firstforwomen.co.za/
