Jeni‑Anne Campbell, founder of JAW Advertising, says in a culture that often prioritises soft edges and gentle tones, disappointment has become the villain. For many leaders, a difficult conversation, a firm boundary, or a necessary ‘no’ comes with the worry that relationships may be damaged or morale could take a hit. But Campbell argues that discomfort should not be seen as the opposite of care and kindness.
‘The most compassionate thing a leader can offer is certainty,’ she explained. ‘Certainty isn’t always pleasant, but it’s stabilising.’
She believes that modern leadership has blurred the line between kindness and comfort. ‘We’ve confused kindness with keeping people happy,’ she said. ‘Real kindness is clarity. And unfortunately, clarity will, at times, disappoint people.’
She questions the idea that kind leaders should absorb all the tension to keep others comfortable. She believes that avoiding tough conversations leads to problems like confusion, resentment, and teams not knowing where they stand.
When ‘Nice’ Leadership Leaves People Anxious
Many well‑intentioned leaders hold back hard feedback or soften the truth to save feelings. While it seems considerate, have no doubt that the emotional bill is on the way.
Unclear expectations create low‑grade anxiety, and the data reflects this. Nearly 60% of employees report work‑related stress, and unclear expectations are one of the biggest contributors that leave them feeling strained, uncertain, and constantly ‘on’.
Campbell believes this is where ‘nice leadership’ quietly becomes harmful. ‘Ambiguity is one of the fastest ways to weaken trust,’ she noted. ‘People don’t need endless detail; they need firm orientation.’
Her approach repeats a key idea from Feeding Unicorns: being clear is a way to show care, especially for teams who want to do meaningful work.
The Courage To Disappoint — And Why It Is An Act Of Care
Setting clear boundaries, firm standards, and making honest decisions can disappoint people. But if leaders handle these moments with consistency and honesty, they can actually make relationships stronger. ‘Of course, disappointment is uncomfortable,’ she said, ‘but it’s never as damaging as confusion.’
Her idea of generous leadership sees disappointment as a normal part of growth, similar to how parents guide and correct their children, even when it is hard to hear. Steering clear of these moments is not real kindness; it is just avoiding problems, and it can be harmful.
How To Disappoint Without Breaking Trust
Based on Campbell’s values of honest feedback, clear expectations, and transparency, here are four ways leaders can turn disappointment into clarity instead of conflict.
1. Say Things Early, Not Perfectly
If feedback comes too late, it can feel like criticism, but if it comes early, it helps guide people. Leaders don’t need to say things perfectly, just at the right time.
2. Pair Honesty With Context
Giving context helps people feel respected. Rather than just saying, ‘This isn’t working,’ leaders can explain what they see and why it matters. This shows respect instead of judgment.
3. Use Boundaries As Stabilisers
Boundaries help prevent burnout and confusion by showing people what is expected. Clear rules make it easier for people to focus and do their best work.
4. Close Loops Visibly
Trust grows when leaders do what they say, like promising an update on Friday and then following through. Being reliable helps people feel cared for, even if the news is hard to hear. ‘These small behaviours are the backbone of psychological safety,’ she explained. ‘Not softness, steadiness.’
Why High Performers Crave Clarity, Not Comfort
Top performers are often most frustrated by unclear leadership. They want honest feedback and clear direction. They want to know how to improve and what success looks like right now, not just at their next review. ‘When you avoid clarity to spare someone’s feelings, you take away their chance to rise,’ Campbell said. ‘That’s the opposite of care.’ When leaders are clear and consistent, it shows respect. People see it not as criticism, but as a sign that their leader believes in their ability to grow and improve.
The Long‑Term Cost Of Leaders Who Want To Be Liked
Leaders who prioritise likeability over leadership unintentionally create emotional instability. Standards slide and feedback becomes inconsistent. Culture and performance take a serious hit because people are suddenly aware of how they are doing or what their leader is really thinking. ‘Nice leadership feels good in the moment,’ she said. ‘But it leaves people insecure. Kind leadership holds the line.’ Her distinction is simple: nice leaders protect themselves from discomfort, while kind leaders protect their teams from confusion.
Kind Leadership Is Clarity, Even When It Stings
Campbell believes kindness means being open, fair, and generous. It also means having the courage to talk about things that might disappoint others. ‘Clarity might hurt for a day,’ she said. ‘Uncertainty hurts every day.’ And in workplaces built on care, courage is part of the job description. Leaders don’t need to cushion every truth; they simply need to share it with humanity, steadiness, and intention.
‘Disappointment passes. Confusion lingers – and it corrodes confidence. The cost of avoiding a hard moment is always paid later.’
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